Room101 : Why I don’t like SmartOne toilet paper dispensers.

My random observations on life.

I did warn you that in addition to creative things, money-saving tips and organising stuff there would need to be a little chunk of this blog dedicated to observations and general musings that I felt compelled to ‘share with the group’. I do hope you will indulge me (or even enjoy it a tiny bit) as I venture into giving you my ‘Jane’s eye’ view of the world. I like to think that it will be a much more ’rounded’ blog if I inject a bit of myself into it by giving you an insight into my life, hobbies and random musings, (‘musings’ may actually be a bit of a smoke screen for me having a rant from time to time).

Anyway, I digress…Writing this introduction is actually getting in the way of what I really wanted to share with you today. So, without further ado, ‘Welcome to my world, dear reader. I hope you enjoy the ride!’

Why are SmartOne loo roll dispensers on my Room 101 list?

Rare photograph of a SmartOne dispenser which a) has toilet paper in it and b) has toilet paper peeping out far enough to pull it from the dispenser.

Is it just me or have you also been the helpless victim of that scourge of the public conveniences of Britain? Some of you may remember the dark days of toilet paper made from semi-opaque greaseproof paper with the message, ‘Now wash your hands please’ stamped on every sheet. I always wondered whether we were expected to wash our hands before or after treating the paper cuts we suffered whilst trying to wipe ourselves!

Now we are confronted with a different kind of lavatory terror…The SmartOne toilet paper dispenser! I really don’t like them. I want to say ‘hate’ but that word is banned in our household.  In my opinion there is nothing ‘smart’ about them. You must know the ones I mean? They are the ones where the toilet paper is pulled through a tiny hole and they only allow you to pull one sheet through at a time. However, getting just one sheet out of them is a challenge in itself. Half the time there is only a tiny, tantalising fragment of loo paper sticking through the narrow aperture. Trying to teaze that little tuft of paper out with my fingernails is like trying to crack a high security safe. Honestly, it’s not as if I’m trying to break in for a string of pearls…I only want a sheet of loo paper! I have to confess that one time, in a moment of desperation, I even resorted to trying to pull it through with my teeth.

What makes matters worse is that the SmartOne inventors have deliberately fashioned the dispenser out of ‘see-through’ plastic so you can see the toilet paper but you can’t touch the toilet paper. The only way you can get the darned thing out is by unlocking the enclosure with a key that you don’t have. Seriously, who thinks of taking a pair of tweezers or a Leatherman multitool with them when they go for a wee? Well, I do now!

Let me be clear, I’m not suggesting that we are wasteful when it comes to using toilet paper in public conveniences. We should be sensible and only use enough to ‘do the job’. However, I do take issue with the fact that the SmartOne dispenser is designed to dictate how many sheets of loo roll I am allowed to have. Especially when it is only offering me one sheet at a time. To make matters worse, even when it does surrender a sheet, it looks more like a piece of rope or dental floss after being dragged through that 5mm hole!

The final issue I have with the SmartOne dispenser is that it fails to change my behaviour. Instead of making me more mindful of how much loo roll I use when I visit the toilet it has the opposite effect: I find myself longing for the old-fashioned toilet roll holders where I could pull the loo roll with a flourish so it made a satisfying rattle as it spun freely. The SmartOne makes me want to rebel against the constraints it has placed on me. When I see one in my toilet cubicle now, I immediately go on the offensive and it becomes a battle of wills: me versus the SmartOne. I try and sneak two sheets (or even three if I’m feeling cocky) out of the blessed contraption just to prove that it isn’t that smart after all and how dare it try to ration me. My current record is four consecutive sheets. Perhaps it would add another dimension to a toilet visit if people could post a high score every time they got the better of the stupid thing!

See, my church has the right idea. It caters for both camps!

But the toilets at my church do have other issues…

Closing remarks.

So, in conclusion, is it just me? Am I alone in my ‘SmartOne belongs in Room 101’ world? Discuss!

Musing (rant) over.

P.S. A little request.

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Thanks so much for reading!

Please note: All text and images are copyright Maflingo unless otherwise stated and opinions are my own. Single images may be reproduced only if they remain in their original state and must be credited back to Maflingo with a link to the site.