‘I’ve got a new vag’ and other hilarious autocorrect fails.
So next week I’ll be sharing the contents of my handbag with you. Well, not actually giving you what’s in my handbag, telling you what’s in my handbag. Yup, I’ve reached my one-year ‘blogiversary’ (totally a word) and this is what it’s come to, a post about what’s in my bag! However, today is not a day to be chatting about handbag items, (Did I hear someone breathe a sigh of relief?) No, dear readers, today I want to talk to you about autocorrect fails, my own personal autocorrect howlers and those of my fellow bloggers.
The impossible dream.
Technology has made life so much easier, hasn’t it? The internet, computers, mobile phones, smart TVs and laptops have completely changed the way we live. They’ve changed the way we communicate with each other, too. In many ways, this is good news! We can communicate with our friends and family around the world for free! What’s more, we aren’t limited to a voice call because now we can actually see them! Not just see them, but have a proper face-to-face conversation with them over the internet. How amazing is that?!
When I was a kid, I would dream about things like time travel, teleportation and video telephones where you could actually see each other while you spoke. Now you can! Let’s pause for a moment, (those of us who were born before 1980), and let it sink in because it’s amazing! I don’t know about you, but I’m astounded by all that technology has enabled us to do in the last ten years. Things we once considered impossible, are now possible.
When good ‘Apps’ go bad.
However, technology isn’t perfect. Technology can fail. When technology fails, most of the time it isn’t the end of the world. However, when you are dealing with a technological application that has the power to change the entire meaning of a sentence or phrase, you learn very quickly it’s sometimes better to pick up the phone or speak to someone in person instead.
Damn you autocorrect!
Some of you may have already heard about ‘Damn you autocorrect’, the website where people share their most hilarious and embarrassing examples of messages that took on a whole new meaning when autocorrect failed.
I experienced my very own autocorrect fail earlier this week, whilst messaging my mate Emma, who blogs over at Island Living 365.
Our conversation went like this:
Me: You know things are bad when you are considering writing a post entitled ‘what’s in my handbag.’ I may be writing just that post today….I’m just going off to get my handbag.
Emma: Write something funny. Just give it a go!
Me: Too late [Insert photo of emptied handbag].
Me: I think this could end up being funny because I have a feeling it’s a bit like when you’re expecting Trinny and Susannah to look through your wardrobe…You ditch the most heinous fashion faux pas before they turn up. Thankfully my vag was free from sanitary pads and various bits of rubbish the kids hand me before I realise I am their personal, walking dustbin!
Me: Bag not vag!!!!
Me: Oh no, that sentence takes on a whole new meaning if you leave it as vag. I can’t see my keyboard for crying with laughter now.
Emma: You have to include this convo in your post!! How you told me about your vag and get it linked up to Friday Frolics ???
Emma: Things not to tell people over messenger – what you carry around in your vag ???
This isn’t the first time autocorrect has let me down. My other classics are:
Friend: Are we still going out for a drink?
Me: Yes! Really looking forward to seeing you vomit.
Me: Tonite!!! Seeing you tonite!
and this one was stopped in the nick of time when I was messaging a friend about the rising cost of Freddo bars.
Me: I know! The cost of Freddos has gone through the foof!
I even failed just now when Nicky Kentisbeer over at Not just the 3 of us messaged me. Thankfully I realised before I sent it:
Nicky: Are you enjoying your birthday?
Me: Yes. Had breakup in bed.
My favourite blogger autocorrect fails.
After my autocorrect howlers, I decided to ask my blogging friends about their own experiences. They came back with some fantastic examples.
Here are some of my favourites:
Emma Critchley – Island Living 365
Spot the autocorrect fail in this little gem from Emma when she was commenting on Talya’s blog post about ‘bums’ over at Motherhood the real deal:
Laura Costello – We Forgot The Sperm.
‘Don’t worry Hun sorted’ became ‘Don’t worry gun sorted.’
And this…(she was talking about Olbas Oil):
aNoviceMum – Adventures of a Novice mum.
‘Linky’ often becomes ‘kinky‘, and it once changed a PR’s name to a non-existent word, which the PR said thanks for. I can’t tell you how embarrassed I felt!
Tattooed Mummy – Tattooed Mummy’s Randoms.
I was texting an online friend who was feeling down. People had been getting at her and she felt really low. So I sent her a text to say “you know I think you are fabulous.” except autocorrect changed it to “you know I think you are vacuous“… and I sent it before I noticed! I had to reply so fast I was worried she’d be in tears or block my number! Luckily she saw the funny side and it cheered her up!
And this one:
Laura Dove – Five Little Doves.
I was speaking with a lady online about some skin care products she’d recommended for my son who had eczema. She wrote “It really is good stuff. We use it on the kids all the time even if they are bleeding.” I replied, “Oh wow! That’s amazing! I didn’t realise you could use it on broken skin!“. But autocorrect changed it to “brown skin” which would have been fine had this lady not been Asian!! She sent me back a very upset message and I was absolutely mortified!!!!! ???
Suzanne – And Another Ten Things
My phone always changes [the clothing brand] ASOS to Isis. It made a conversation about dinosaur pyjamas take on a whole new meaning.
Emily Leary – A Mummy too.
I once published a ‘fairy free cupcake recipe’ and the person who pointed out the error was amused at the idea of wings sticking out of the tops of my other non-fairy-free cupcakes.
Bridget McGrath – Bridie by the Sea.
‘See you in a sec‘ autocorrected to “See you in a sex” to my male boss. This has happened quite a few times.
Deborah Nicholas – Country Heart & Home.
My hubby is called Stuart which we shorten to Stu. However, it always gets changed to STUD!! Makes him think he’s on a promise when I start messages with Hey Stud!! lol
Gemma – Life is Knutts
I did a review for a local shop once called Two Ducks. My phone autocorrected this on twitter to Two Dicks and I almost tweeted it… Close shave eh?! I think the lady would’ve gone quackers 😉
Catherine Hughes – Growing Family.
I was offered a willies review earlier this year – the PR was properly mortified when I asked if they meant wellies ?
Claire Hall – Tin Box Traveller.
The story is below with an explanation. I still PMSL every time I read it. If in doubt, I really wasn’t stopping for weed. Please don’t call social services on me 🙂
Over to you.
Have you got any autocorrect horrors and howlers? Have your autocorrect fails got you into trouble? Come on, spill! I’d love to hear from you!
For more hilarious autocorrect fails, visit Damn you Auto Correct.