All about Jane.

Whilst rummaging through my filing cabinet the other day, I came across the ‘How well do you know Jane?’ quiz we played at my 40th birthday bash *mumbles* years ago.

At the risk of scaring you all off, never to return again, I thought I’d share it with you.

The ‘How well do you know Jane Taylor?’ Quiz.

1. Jane spent some of her adult life believing that:

a) Skegness was in Scotland.

b) Nottingham Forest was a National Park.

c) Milton Keynes was a poet.

The answer is A. Like Loch Ness, I really did think ‘Skeg-Ness’ was in Scotland. The good folk of the Midlands quickly put me right!

2. When Jane goes on holiday what item from home can’t she be without (apart from Richard and the girls, obviously)?

a) Moist toilet wipes (the toilet paper might not be up to scratch).

b) Bathroom scales (to keep an eye on her holiday indulgences).

c) Hair straighteners (a girl always needs to look her best).

The answer is C. *blushes*

3. What did Jane unwittingly carry with her on a flight to New York that prompted an alert involving a sniffer dog and an armed US marshall?

a) A bag of white powder.

b) A Granny Smith apple.

c) A knife and fork.

The answer is B. I completely forgot I’d packed a Granny Smith apple as a snack for the trip. The US Marshall took it VERY seriously: it is forbidden to bring ‘alien fruit’ into the USA, (however, it’s completely acceptable to have an ‘alien fruitcake’ running for president). I must admit, I freaked out when the dog started sniffing around my bag, panicking that someone had sneaked 2kg of heroin into my luggage. I could practically hear them snapping on the rubber gloves in the holding cell nearby.  Thankfully, they let me off, without the need for a strip search.

4. What is Jane’s favourite film?

a) 9 to 5.

b) The Color Purple.

c) Naked Gun 2 ½.

The answer was B then. I absolutely love Steven Spielberg’s lesser-known masterpiece, starring Whoopi Goldberg and Danny Glover. However, this has been superseded by ‘The Help’, based on the book by Kathryn Stockett. I loved this story about black maids (‘The Helps’) raising the children of middle-class whites in the deep south of the United States of America.  The humour made me laugh out loud and the racism shocked me, particularly as it’s set in the not too distant past.

5. What is the one thing that Jane refuses to cook for Richard for breakfast?

a) Kippers.

b) Full English Breakfast.

c) Poached eggs.

The answer is C. I hate poached eggs! It’s that phlegmy, jellified white bit I can’t abide. I love Mr T, but for years I couldn’t bring myself to cook them for him. I have relented in recent years…The sacrificial love of a wife.

6. Which of these acts hasn’t Jane seen in concert?

a) Celine Dion.

b) Michael Bolton.

c) The Bee Gees.

At the risk of outing myself as totally uncool, (if that isn’t already clear), the answer is C. I’ve seen Celine Dion three times and Michael Bolton once.  As I recall, Michael Bolton didn’t enjoy performing for us in Birmingham, because women kept shouting for him to take his jacket off. It wasn’t me!

PLEASE NOTE: I haven’t listened to Celine or Michael Bolton for years…

7. Who is Jane’s favourite female singer?

a) Dolly Parton.

b) Pink.

c) Adele.

At the risk of further cementing my uncoolness, it’s A. I absolutely love Dolly Parton! I saw her in Nottingham a few years ago after being a fan for years and she’s still got it.  She’s written hundreds of songs, she’s a super-successful business woman and I just love her music: ‘I will always love you’ (yep, she wrote Whitney’s song); ‘Smokey Mountain Memories’; Coat of Many Colours. I love country music full stop! 

8. Where was Jane during Prince Charles and Lady Diana’s Wedding in July 1981?

a) In St Paul’s Cathedral.

b) In Texas.

c) In hospital.

The answer is B. We lived in Rockport, Texas (on the Gulf of Mexico) for a year in 1980-81. My dad was working for an oil company at the time. It was an amazing adventure and I can vividly remember catching the yellow school bus, celebrating Halloween ‘USA style’ and celebrating Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. I also remember the food! What I wouldn’t give for a plate of Ron’s Krispy Fried Chicken (see Sisterhood of the World Bloggers for more juicy details).

9. Which of the following revelations about Jane is true:

a) She was a member of the ‘Beauty and the Beast Fan club’ (US TV Series in the late 1980’s).

b) She has attended two Xena Warrior Princess Conventions.

c) She once wrote to Celine Dion to tell her how much she enjoyed her concert.

Okay. This is where I’m going to have to beg you to stick with me, for better or for worse. The answer is A, B and C! I’m just going to leave it there…

10. What had to move out of the bedroom whilst Jane was pregnant with Beth because it ‘smelled funny and made her feel sick’?

a) A plant.

b) Richard.

c) The bedroom door.

The answer is C, the bedroom door!  We’d recently painted it with white gloss and it smelled disgusting to me. Richard didn’t know what I was talking about because he couldn’t smell it at all.  Initially, to appease me, he painted over it with an odourless water-soluble satin paint. Things were fine for a few days, but then the smell of the old paint started to ‘leach’ out. When I couldn’t stand it any longer, Richard removed the door completely until after I’d had Beth and my sense of smell returned to normal.  

11. When Jane was a teenager what did she sometimes wear in bed?

a) A body warmer.

b) Men’s garish Hawaiian shorts with palm trees on.

c) Long Johns.

The answer is B. What can I say? They used to be my dad’s but they were too small for him. I wore them because I’ve never liked nighties or long pyjamas, preferring shorts. They had an elasticated waistband and were really comfy. I’m not selling it to you, am I?

12. What is Jane’s ‘party trick’?

a) Doing ‘the splits’.

b) Burping the alphabet.

c) Doing something weird with her fingers.

The answer is C. I can bend the top joints, near my nails, whilst keeping the knuckle joints straight.

13. What is Jane’s least favourite part of her body?

a) Knees.

b) Elbows.

c) Toes.

The answer is A. I shouldn’t grumble. I’m fairly happy with my lot. However, I really don’t like my knees! They aren’t ‘proper’ knees. I’d even prefer nobbly knees. Mine are a bit fleshy and sunken. I blame mum’s side of the family…Sorry mum!

14. Which of these disciplines does Jane have a gold medal in:

a) Disco dancing.

b) Spelling.

c) Volleyball.

The answer is A! What’s more, it stayed on my CV for YEARS!  I went to Miss Janet’s School of Dance in Hartburn, Stockton-on-Tees for years, like most of the girls in our village. I remember wearing a shocking pink sequined ‘boob tube’ and shiny skin-tight trousers for the big day.  To be honest, I think dressing in that outfit made me a ‘shoo-in’ for the medal anyway, even though the trousers were so tight it was hard to bend my knees during my ‘performance.’

15. Which of the following happened to Jane when she was a teenager?

a) She was thrown out of a cinema.

b) She was the Cleveland inter-school cross-country champion of 1987.

c) She won a music scholarship but had to turn it down.

The answer is A! I blame Anne-marie Malcolm (If you are reading this Anne-marie, I’m sorry for breaking my silence). She put chewy (chewing gum to Southerners) on the seat in front and a girl got it stuck in her long blonde hair.  Her friends told the manager and we were thrown out. Well, Anne-marie was asked to leave, but we left with her, (albeit begrudgingly because it was a good film).  

As for B, I can’t run to save my life. I bounce up and down rather than move forward.  

As for C, I’m really not very musical. I can just about manage ‘I am sailing’ and ‘London’s burning’ on the recorder.

16. Which of the following would be in Jane’s Room 101, i.e. ‘pet hates’.

a) Cubes in food.

b) Waterproof plasters.

c) Salad cream.

You may recall some of my other Room 101’s from an earlier post (5 things that belong in my Room 101). The answer to this particular question is A…and probably C. I’m convinced salad cream is something you grow out of when you reach adulthood….Around about the time when you decide you like Marmite after all. We had salad cream when I was little and I liked it. Then I discovered Mayonnaise and I can’t bring myself to have salad cream now.  I think the snotty gunk you get around the lid of a used bottle of salad cream is another reason I’ve moved on.

17. Which of the following would Jane refuse to eat?

a) Black pudding.

b) Whelks.

c) Squid.

The answer is B. I tried whelks (sea snails) when I was a kid. It was like chewing on someone’s nose, cartilage and all.

18. Jane used to own a pair of roller blades. When Richard saw Jane in the distance on her roller blades what was his first comment to Jane?

a) You look like a natural! When did you learn to skate so well?

b) I thought you were an old lady with arthritis hobbling down the street.

c) Why didn’t you buy me some as well?

The answer is B. The cheek! He’s right, though. I’m not a very elegant rollerblader.

19. Jane loves fish, chips and gravy but it will come as no surprise that she has particular requirements (No wonder Richard calls her Goldilocks). If she has her fish and chips in a tray, does she have the gravy:

a) Poured over her fish and chips

b) Poured over the chips but never on the fish.

c) In a separate container so she can choose exactly where she puts it or can just dip her chips in if she so desires.

That would be C. Particular? Moi?

20. Although Jane is always very grateful when someone makes her a cup of coffee, what is the cardinal sin of coffee-making?

a) Adding coffee, then milk, then boiling water from the kettle (it never tastes the same!)

b) Adding coffee, then boiling water from the kettle, then milk (don’t scorch the grains!)

c) Supermarket brands – she can always taste the difference.

The answer is B! NEVER scorch the grains! I’ve since moved on to filter coffee.

21. When Richard cut his thumb badly with a chisel whilst doing a spot of DIY, he asked Jane (a pharmacist) to help staunch the flow of blood. Did she:

a) Run to his rescue and tend to the wound expertly in textbook fashion.

b) Tell him not to show her because it would make her feel faint and instruct him to run across to a neighbour because she was a nurse.

c) Tell him not to bleed on the new dining room carpet

The answer is B. I’m very squeamish. I don’t like the sight of blood. I even feel faint when people talk about blood and wounds.  When I used to read medical journals, I had to put Post-It notes over all the bloody and gruesome pictures first.

22. What was the first music act Jane went to see in concert?

a) Duran Duran.

b) Nick Kershaw.

c) T’Pau.

The answer is C. I loved T’Pau. Carol Decker was ace! You can’t beat a bit of ‘China in our Hand.’

23. What was the first album Jane bought?

a) Abba – The Visitors.

b) Grease Soundtrack (the Pickwick version not the original motion picture soundtrack)

c) Wham! Make it Big.

The answer is C. It was Wham! all the way. Never Duran Duran.  We did have the Abba album, though.  We also had the Grease album by Pickwick with different singers, instead of the Official Grease soundtrack! I couldn’t believe mum bought the unofficial version! Then again, she once asked the shop assistant in HMV for ‘Take on me’ by Hee Haw (A-ha) and ‘Eternal Flame’ by ‘The Bracelets’ (The Bangles) back in the day, so it shouldn’t surprise me.

24. What were the names of the Terrapins Jane and her sister had whilst growing up?

a) Little and Large

b) Seb Coe and Steve Ovett

c) Pepsi and Shirley

The answer is B.  Yes, even as a child, I understood irony.

25. What embarrassing situation occurred on Jane and Richard’s wedding night?

Our wedding day, 18 years ago.

a) Jane got locked in the en-suite.

b) The chauffeur in the wedding car got lost on the way to the hotel and Jane had to phone for directions.

c) One of Jane’s ex-boyfriends was staying at the same hotel.

The answer is A!!! To give a bit of background, our wedding night actually was our ‘first time’. I was a bit shy so went to the bathroom to get changed and locked the door out of habit! Obviously, the lock on the bathroom of the bridal suite was bound to be a bit stiff from lack of use! I couldn’t get the darned thing open and started to panic as there were no windows in the room either. I got it open in the end. Phew!

Are you still with me?

Have you got any admissions about the ‘real’ you you’d like to confess or share with the group?

Do you share any of my eccentricities weirdness traits? As always, I’d love to hear from you.

My amazing 40th birthday cake, made by my talented cake making friend, Heather.

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